Jack - Letter Eight

Jack,

Sometimes I just feel so alone. Sometimes it's like I could be in the same room as you and yet you still just don't see things.

I told Allie and she said that I'll always have her but it doesn't help. No matter who's around, sometimes it's like I'm doing everything alone. Like I said to her, Tehya's the easiest thing in my life right now and a huge distraction from everything else.

You don't even seem to realise that everything in my life apart from my beautiful baby girl is starting to seriously get to me. No one realises.

And that's why I feel alone. Because at the end of the day there's all these thoughts swirling round my head and I'm not really sharing them with anyone because no one's there. Sure, they're all there in person but no one seems to really realise. And you don't Jack. That's the worst part for me. You're supposed to love me, but you don't seem to realise that you've caused me pain. You don't seem to realise that I'm struggling to handle things between my warring parents. You don't seem to realise that although I'm agreeing to things like seeing your Dad, I don't actually want to do them. I just want to do the right thing for you and the right thing for you would be allowing your father to see his new granddaughter. God knows, I don't want to go. I dislike your Dad, think he's a selfish git and honestly want him as far away from my baby girl as he can get.

You seem to forgive him so easily but he treats you and everyone else like crap. He's never interested in things unless they're for his own gain and I don't want to be around him. But I have to be. I have to allow him to see my baby, I have to be polite to him, laugh at his 'jokes' when all they are are thinly veiled insults. I have to sacrifice for other people.

Love,

Vikkii