Jack,
I'm going to write a quick note to you for real later. I need to talk to you for real and get all my feelings out for real. This is helping but I think we need to actually discuss the issue before it can get any better.
Having this little secret between us where I know but you don't know that I know is emphasising everything else in my life and making it seem much more important. I'm guessing that's probably why I spent an hour or so yesterday crying because the baby isn't here yet.
Yes I'm frustrated as hell of waiting and it does make me feel like I've failed when another day passes with contractions which eventually completely stop but that's not the only thing going on and what I found out is really making me feel horrible on the inside.
Like I said before, I KNOW you were joking and you didn't mean what you were saying but I still feel really betrayed by it. You know, at least I think you do, that things like that really get to me and that I really do struggle with my insecurity. I'm still rebuilding the trust we lost last time and this has probably postponed trust's recovery by quite a lot.
Saying that, telling you HOW I found out will probably harm your trust in me. I was after all looking through your private things. I just hope that you can understand why.
The thing with what I found is that now I keep finding myself wanting to look again. I haven't so far today and I'm really proud of that.
Love,
Vikkii
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