Jack - Letter Seven

Jack,

You lied to me yesterday. Lied right to my face. You DO talk about our sex life to other people. I know you do and I have proof. Proof I got by signing into your Skype sure, but proof all the same.

I just don't understand why you felt the need to lie. You know that occasionally I discuss our sex life with Alice so why you felt like you couldn't tell me you'd discussed it with Aimee is beyond me. I guess it's because you know in your heart of hearts that the whole conversation you two had was wrong wrong wrong.

Otherwise why would you need to hide it? If you truely thought I wouldn't mind, that it wouldn't hurt me at all you could have told me.

You didn't even realise that I was upset after you'd lied. You didn't realise anything was up at all, despite the fact I barely spoke to you at all on the way to school. Sometimes I feel like you don't ever notice when I need you. I feel like I have to spell it out to you, and then sometimes you just run away anyway, right when I need you most.

You need to be able to take the fact that I'm upset without running away like a little kid, and you really seem to struggle with that. Your first response is always to run off to deal with it on your own, right when I want to talk things out and make them better.

Maybe that's why I haven't brought it up with you yet. I know you'll run away from talking about it, and I want to postpone the frustration and hurt that you can't just face up to it like a man. I want to postpone the fact that I will know that instead of facing up to things and making me feel better, you'll decide you're 'going for a walk' again to save talking about it.

I don't want to do that anymore. It's very tempting to just save the pain and let things go, because I hate it when you shut off like that.

Love,

Vikkii