Mum,
Today I remembered why I never tell you anything. I can't trust that you won't go off and tell it to people who frankly have no business knowing. I told you that Dad had written to me and you completely went off on one.
... The way you always do.
That's the reason I choose to lie to you. I know you hate liars but I hate pointless confrontation - hate it when you talk Dad down to me. I don't agree with what he's done but I've had enough of listening to you talk about him behind his back. I've had enough of how vicious you are.
Vikkii
Tuesday 8 May 2012
Sunday 6 May 2012
Jack - Letter Eleven
Jack,
You're a shit, you know that. I asked you why you didn't tell Aimee the truth in the first place. I don't know what I wanted to hear but not what I did.
You said because you're a coward - you didn't want people to know that you'd hurt me again. What that basically means is you care more what Aimee Hills and Laura Fox think of you than what I think of you. It means you care more about what people THINK than you care about what I FEEL.
I don't know why I stay with you. I really don't.
Last night you wanted to talk but I'm tired of it. I didn't bother talking to you - I just took Tehya and went to bed. And guess what, you probably think it's all okay now. It's not. I don't know how to show you or tell you that things between us aren't ok but I wish you knew.
I wish you knew so maybe you'd try harder. Maybe you'd try to make it up to me like you did the first time. You didn't bother trying to make up for more than a day this time and I need you to TRY. Forgiving you now is hard and I really need to know you're working for my forgiveness and I don't feel like you are.
So TRY Goddamn it!! TRY to help me forgive you - stop taking it for granted that I will. Stop taking me for granted. Stop taking the fact I take care of Tehya for granted. Stop taking everything for granted or it WILL go.
I'm angry I'm hurting and I'm remembering the last week of my pregnancy. The time when everything should have been happy and I should have been preparing for Tehya. Instead I was hurting, knowing that once again you'd cheated. Once again you hadn't thought of how I'd feel. Once again you'd just gone on with what you were saying and not even had the balls to tell me.
Once again I felt like I didn't matter.
Vikkii
You're a shit, you know that. I asked you why you didn't tell Aimee the truth in the first place. I don't know what I wanted to hear but not what I did.
You said because you're a coward - you didn't want people to know that you'd hurt me again. What that basically means is you care more what Aimee Hills and Laura Fox think of you than what I think of you. It means you care more about what people THINK than you care about what I FEEL.
I don't know why I stay with you. I really don't.
Last night you wanted to talk but I'm tired of it. I didn't bother talking to you - I just took Tehya and went to bed. And guess what, you probably think it's all okay now. It's not. I don't know how to show you or tell you that things between us aren't ok but I wish you knew.
I wish you knew so maybe you'd try harder. Maybe you'd try to make it up to me like you did the first time. You didn't bother trying to make up for more than a day this time and I need you to TRY. Forgiving you now is hard and I really need to know you're working for my forgiveness and I don't feel like you are.
So TRY Goddamn it!! TRY to help me forgive you - stop taking it for granted that I will. Stop taking me for granted. Stop taking the fact I take care of Tehya for granted. Stop taking everything for granted or it WILL go.
I'm angry I'm hurting and I'm remembering the last week of my pregnancy. The time when everything should have been happy and I should have been preparing for Tehya. Instead I was hurting, knowing that once again you'd cheated. Once again you hadn't thought of how I'd feel. Once again you'd just gone on with what you were saying and not even had the balls to tell me.
Once again I felt like I didn't matter.
Vikkii
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)